There are many times in life when we might feel discouraged, or maybe the odds are against us. Additionally, the people who may have the power to help us, won't. You may feel like they are disagreeable, angry, or just plain mean. To make matters worst, the solution to your problem is in plain sight. What you don't have is the cooperation others others. You pray and pray, nothing happens.
The problem is still there. It bothers you. It disturbs your sleep and you know that each passing day is another day of pain you don't need. What do you do?
There is one lasting principle that men, and women, of success and influence have used to win nearly 100% of the time. They get people to help them and move ahead with goals. It's a principle that Dale Carnegie "discovered" in the early 1900's as he studied the habits of the wealthiest and most influential people in the world.
Unbeknownst to him, the principle was written on a scroll of parchment over 3000 years years ago. The author was King Solomon and the principle was written in the book of Proverbs.
Here's the principle. Whenever you have a goal in mind, or if you need to accomplish something that requires the assistance of others, and you encounter resistance, refrain from emotionally escalating the situation. Letting loose emotionally will on intensify any bad feelings and resistance you have encountered.
Next, place yourself in the other person's situation. Try to understand why they might be having a bad day. It could be that they may have familial trouble, or maybe they feel stressed over certain life situations. There could be a a million scenarios that could be affecting them. Never scoff at them, never raise your voice at them, never loose your temper.
In the book of Matthew chapter 5, Jesus stated that anyone who calls his brother fool (Raca) is in danger. Additionally, Jesus states that we must make peace with that person and agree with our adversary. We must never have a turbulent relationship with others, ever.
Following this principle we can easily feel compassion for another person. Express your genuine interest over them and proceed with humility. The majority of time you will see a change in demeanor. Once the resistance is lowered most people naturally and organically help you achieve your goal.
Once during an important real estate transaction, I met a person over the phone who most people would probably call nasty. This man was in charge of releasing final credit statement and payoffs so we could finalize the transaction.
It was the title company's job to call and get the proper documentation from. I called the title company several times about the documentation because there seem to be an unusually long delay. I discovered that the title company employee who called this man was given less than courteous treatment and was told that the documentation we needed would eventually arrive. But it never did. The deadline came and went and now we were in the final five days of the transaction, but without the documentation we wouldn't be able to complete it.
Everyone was stressed, and despite the title company's best efforts we did not receive the papers we needed. At one point one of the title company employees was told not to call back requesting the documentation we needed. I took upon myself to call this individual.
This person definitely had a certain way of antagonizing others. He almost got the best of me too when I began to feel emotional distress rise. I was vigilant over my emotions and practiced what Jesus preached.
I became compassionate over the man's plight. I thought, he must have angry callers every day, all day, maybe that's why he's locked in an angry mode. This couldn't be health for mind or body. Then I thought, if I express my anger I would contribute to the man's poor mental and physical health. I didn't want to be a culprit. Jesus came to heal, not hurt.
I decided to focus on him and not the documents we needed. I softened my tone and said, "I'm so sorry. I bet your get calls like this all day." He explained that it was sometimes difficult to keep up with high volumes of requests. He added that the system he used was inadequate to do the job. I can hear the frustration in his voice. Then he explained to me that he wasn't even in charge of sending out documents. It was another department. It sounded like they weren't efficient either.
I said, "Wow, you have a monumental task on your hands." Then I ask, "What can I do to help. Is there anyone I can talk to help you?" His demeanor softened immediately. He told me that there was a way to expedite the documents and that he would be glad to give it a try. He could promise results but he would give his best shot.
I was surprised to say the least. We went from enemies to friends helping each other. Before getting off the phone I told him, he was a great guy, and he really was, you just have to know him.
Within 2 hours all the documents we needed were fax over and the entire real estate deal was prepared for close.
Here's the key, Dale Carnegie taught to pause before answering someone and considering their plight, then show genuine interest. According to Carnegie the technique will win you friends and give the power to influence people.
I don't know if Dale Carnegie was a student of the book of Proverbs but about 3600 years ago King Solomon wrote these words:
" The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook transgression". ~ Proverbs 19:11
Discretion literally means that we have the ability to avoid speech that might cause offense. Notice this verse explains that if use this ability we will have more control over unrestrained emotions. The verse also points out that it is to our glory to "overlook" a person's transgression.
Researchers, can analyze behavior over decades and write books about "incredible" findings, but because virtually everything they discover is written in the Bible, we can safely assert that God created the universe and human beings to live within bounds and confined to certain laws. And that scientists through research discover a specific laws that governs us. In this case it's the biblical precept that instructs to possess our soul with peace so we can find harmony and common ground. Good advice.
Applying the Power of Positive Influence to Your Life
I know that some people find very difficult to be at peace. They may have live for years without self control or discipline. That person might be you. I have good news for you. In 2009, PhD psychotherapist Dr. Ron Alexander published a book titled Wise Mind, Open Mind how meditation helps control the mind, increase mental resiliency, and improve emotional intelligence.
Sounds a lot like what Dale Carnegie discovered and what is written in Proverbs 19:11. For Christians however, secular or new age meditation are not desirable, especially since the first recorded meditation is located in the book of Genesis, and performed by the third generation from Adam.
The highest and best meditation Christian can perform is love. In fact, a love meditation will help you to follow God's first and second most important commands - "Love God with all your heart, soul, and mind. And love your neighbor as yourself."
Imagine with me real briefly what it would be like to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind. To perform this command perfectly would need to assume that there no whim, or desire in the heart, no want or need in the soul, and no thought disturbing the mind from loving God totally an completely. That's meditation!
This of course naturally leads us to be more loving toward others. The power of Christian meditation as describe in the Bible can, and will, change your life. It will help you release God's dynamic power of positive influence in many situations.
If you've had difficulties in life, and felt like you could advance more of you had the help of many people, now is the time to get started. Here's the link to The Best 10 Minute Loving-Kindness Christian Meditation.
Start today and grow in your relationship with God and others. We must never stop growing. We must keep developing our personalities in God's likeness, and Jesus is our supreme template. We want to arrive in heaven and hear the words, "Well done good and faithful servant."
God bless you. We love you. We're praying for you. See you in the kingdom.